Consejitos Con Santana — Volume Cinco: Don’t Hold Back, Be Loud & Queer

Words by Santana Peralez

Disclaimer: This column is for informational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. The author and Trucha are not liable for any consequences resulting from following this advice.

Hola y’all!

 

We have made it to the third month of 2024, and wooo, it’s been a doozy. We lost an hour and gained more sunlight, which does not feel like an even trade to me, but I digress. For this month’s Consejitos Con Santana, we will navigate acceptance and coming out. Our RGV queer community asked questions regarding gender exploration, coming out to family, and finally dealing with biphobia. 

Aver what the people had to say!

Hey Santana, I’ve been out as Bi since I was in Middle School, and I was always comfortable with that. Lately, I have been wanting to lean more into my feminine side and experiment with makeup and maybe more feminine clothes. I’m just really worried about what people will think. I also don’t even know how I would start shopping for things like makeup or stuff. How do I stop worrying about other people? And how do I start this process? Do you have any advice?

Dear Wondering from Weslaco,

 

First and foremost, this is a huge step, and I’m so happy for you. I remember how amazing it felt to experiment with my gender expression through my aesthetic. It can be so freeing to take the time to explore yourself.

 

Shopping online can be your friend, but you also have to do some things in person, like finding your perfect makeup match. You can always return clothes if they don’t fit or if you find they don’t fit your style. 

 

A great place to start if you want to shop in person is thrift stores. You can find affordable clothes, and if you decide that it isn’t you, you don’t break the bank, and you can always redonate, so no harm is done.

 

If you want to shop for makeup in person, your best bet is shopping with friends if you don’t want to interact too much with store employees, but trust me when I tell you that most employees at a makeup store do not care about your gender, they’re just ready to help you and make a sale. 

 

I know how hard it can be, especially seeing the way people treat male-presenting individuals when they start wearing clothes that aren’t considered masculine. 

 

But you have to do what will make you happy. I know it might sound cliché, but you have to live your life for yourself.

Illustration by Frida Retana.

I've been in a polycule with my boyfriend and our partner for almost a year, and I want to finally introduce them to my family. I am so scared they won't accept us. We all love each other, and I can't imagine my life without either of them, but will my family understand? How can I bring it up? They handled me being pan alright, but this, I just have no idea.

Dear Poly and Stuck,

 

Introducing your partner to your family can be intimidating, even more so when you have more than one partner.

 

There are still a lot of misconceptions about polyamory and poly relationships, and I think you need to go into this ready to answer a lot of questions while also setting clear boundaries and trying to approach everything with the benefit of the doubt.

 

If your family asks a question that makes you or your partners uncomfortable, explain that this makes y’all uncomfortable. If someone approaches you all with ignorance, try to extend grace. Unfortunately, not everyone will come into this with an open mind, but try your best not to be antagonistic.

 

I know this can be hard, but for your peace in that moment, try to extend as much grace as possible while setting boundaries. Some people might not be willfully ignorant.

 

I hope this goes well for the three of you and that your family sees your love for each other and accepts you. 

Close-up of three sets of hands; two people of different skin tones holding hands, one person’s hands in the center holding both.
Illustration by Frida Retana

A girl I've been seeing for five months found out I was Bi, and now she says she wants a break. I feel really hurt by this, but am I allowed to feel hurt? She said she know girls like me will always leave for a guy. I like her so much but this hurt bad. I just feel so confused.

Dear Bi-licous Bebe,

 

Unfortunately, biphobia is still super prevalent in the queer community, and while great strides have been made bi people still have their queerness questioned. I know a lot of people still have misconceptions and prejudices surrounding bi people, and it sucks.

 

What you’re going through is biphobia. You are allowed to feel hurt by this. The idea that bisexual people will always leave their same-sex partner for a partner of the opposite sex is prejudiced and wrong and such a strange mindset to have in 2024.

 

There is no legitimate proof that bi people are more likely to cheat than people who are only attracted to one gender, and honestly, the fact that there are still people who believe that is strange.

 

Once you feel ready, you and your girlfriend should talk and see if she is willing to apologize for hurting you and put in the work to understand that what she did was wrong. If she isn’t, then it’s time to move on. No one should make you feel bad for how you feel or who you’re attracted to, especially not your partner.

 

Your bisexuality is a part of you, and it should be celebrated.

Thank you so much for reading the fifth installment of Consejito’s Con Santana!

 

You can submit your questions here.

 

Please note there are no deadlines! The call for questions is ongoing, so feel free to submit a question at any time. See y’all next month!