Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD
“I Saw the TV Glow” is a 2024 film about two teenagers who bond over their favorite TV show, “The Pink Opaque.” On a surface level, Owen and Maddy tend to see the show as a form of escapism; they both attend high school as social outcasts, struggle with difficult home lives, and suffer the monotony of suburbia. However, as the film carries on, we see the show’s narrative begin to bleed into reality. Owen and Maddy’s relationship deepens, almost emulating the friendship between Pink Opaque protagonists Isabel and Tara, until Maddy decides to leave town. “I’ll die if I stay here”, we hear from Maddy as she extends an invitation for Owen to leave with her; Owen declines and stays behind. The show then wraps up with Mr. Melancholy, the Pink Opaque villain, defeating Isabel and Tara; he buries them alive and transports their consciousnesses to a pocket dimension deemed the Midnight Realm.
Ten years following Maddy’s disappearance and the show’s cancellation, Maddy returns to inform Owen that she’s been inside “The Pink Opaque” itself, and that the reason their memories of the show are confusing is because they’re fabricated. To both Owen’s and the audience’s surprise, “The Pink Opaque” is revealed not to be a television show, but rather manifestations of a reality they could not remember.
“What if I really was someone else?”
As an allegory for transness, we see Owen (Isabel) confront the reason his life had always felt wrong and why his family or body didn’t feel like his. Detachment is a common theme in the transgender community. Many individuals concur that their lives pre-transition are separate from their real selves. The sense of alienation is particularly strong when growing up in small, conservative regions like the Rio Grande Valley. The disconnect not just from your own skin but from the place and culture you were born into expedites a suffocation we see Owen experience near the film’s end.
However, it is that same conservative culture we’re raised on that breeds the consistent fear dictating Owen’s actions. The film climaxes with Owen refusing to return to “The Pink Opaque,” incredulous to Maddy’s claims and rejecting Isabel as his true self. Though after Maddy vanishes again, he’s still left in doubt.
“What if I really was someone else?” states Owen towards the end of the movie, “Someone beautiful and powerful. Someone buried alive and suffocated to death.”
Trans people native to small towns are no strangers to the mental constraints on what we’re “allowed” to make of ourselves, even as it counteracts our own wishes. Adding that to the expectations of traditionalism many of us face from our immigrant families, or from being immigrants ourselves, we can easily relate to a fearful Owen continuously choosing not to pursue his self-discovery.
There Is Still Time
The film concludes with a middle-aged, sickly Owen screaming for help at work.
“I’m dying here!” exclaims Owen to no one’s reaction, only to later cut himself open and find his insides glowing the same way his TV had done before.
Owen collects himself and walks around, apologizing for his outburst, and it is unclear if he’s finally accepted his longing for change. However, many viewers, particularly members of the transgender community (myself included), have decided to interpret this closing scene as hopeful. A message written with chalk in an earlier shot of the film, “there is still time,” brings forth the idea that it’s never too late to start choosing the life we want.
In conversations with friends from the community, it has become glaringly clear that the current administration has complicated the majority of our journeys. In a state actively trying to erase trans people, it is sensible that some of us have chosen to pause or search for alternatives in living our true selves. Nonetheless, it does not mean we’re submitting to societal or political imposition, and the choice to delay one’s transition or gender expression does not equate to a waste of time. Organizations like the South Texas Equality Project (STEP) and Casa Orgullo are staples of the growing trans community resistance in the Valley, regardless of where in your journey you find yourself.
Whether you are transgender/gender non-conforming, or you simply relate to Owen’s anxieties around following your dreams, “I Saw the TV Glow” serves as reassurance that your story is remarkable, no matter at which point of your life you start living it. It almost doesn’t matter that we see Owen in active denial for the entire duration of the film, or if we’ve spent a majority of our lives allowing others to define us; the glow exuding from our TV screens is uniquely personal, and it is ultimately our choice when to face it and crawl inside.
Rating: 5/5 Nopales
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